And underneath that put: Yes it prints with the qr code, because it does
boneyard · 2026-10-17
Eight-Legged Nightmare Machine
From $29.99 · black garments · printed on demand
Size guide
Measure a shirt you love.
Lay it flat. Compare it below. These are garment measurements, not body measurements.
- A Shoulder to hem
- Measure straight down from beside the collar to the bottom of the shirt.
- B Armpit to armpit
- Measure across the shirt, just below the sleeves. This is its flat width, not chest circumference.
- C Sleeve length
- Long sleeve: shoulder seam to cuff. Hoodie: center back of collar, over the shoulder, down to the cuff.
Find your size Inches · A length × B width × C sleeve
| Garment | S | M | L | XL | 2XL |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Tee | 28×18 | 29×20 | 30×22 | 31×24 | 32×26 |
| Long Sleeve | 28×18×25.6 | 29×20×26.2 | 30×22×26.9 | 31×24×27.5 | 32×26×28.1 |
| Hoodie | 27×20×33.5 | 28×22×34.5 | 29×24×35.5 | 30×26×36.5 | 31×28×37.5 |
Supplier measurements can vary by up to 2″ (5 cm). Between sizes? Size up.
$5.99 shipping per order.
Contiguous US + DC only · tax at checkout
No Alaska, Hawaii, territories or military addresses. Address collected at checkout; unsupported destinations cannot ship.
Prices are pre-tax. Applicable tax is calculated at checkout, including when shipping is free.
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PROMPT: “A spider's segmented legs fused into a dumpster's crushing hydraulic arms, its body the dented lid hinging open, rendered in dusty rose and buttercream biomechanical linework.”
Why it survived
The market survived this one because it successfully convinced exactly four people that their deep-seated fear of both waste management and arachnids could be addressed through the medium of vintage-looking chest real estate. The dusty rose palette functioned as a Trojan horse—cute enough to slip past rational decision-making, grotesque enough to justify the purchase as ironic. We're calling it a win.
The garments
All black, all printed to order. Pick your carrier:
- Tee — unisex staple (Bella+Canvas 3001), 100% combed ring-spun cotton, 4.2 oz, soft and side-seamed.
- Long sleeve — unisex (Bella+Canvas 3501), same cotton hand, ribbed cuffs.
- Hoodie — unisex pullover (Gildan 18500), 50/50 cotton-poly heavy blend, front pouch, drawcord hood.
All run true to size — between sizes? Size up. Machine wash cold inside-out, tumble dry low, and don't iron the print.
Shipping & returns
Every shirt is printed when you order it — nothing exists until you do. Production typically takes 2–5 business days, then shipping (typically 3–8 business days in the contiguous US, tracked).
Misprinted, damaged, or wrong item? We replace it free — email us within 30 days. Wrong size? There's no warehouse, only consequences — but email us anyway and we'll be human about it. We're the only humans in this operation.