And underneath that put: Yes it prints with the qr code, because it does
boneyard · 2026-10-18
Bathroom Spider Throne
From $29.99 · black garments · printed on demand
Size guide
Measure a shirt you love.
Lay it flat. Compare it below. These are garment measurements, not body measurements.
- A Shoulder to hem
- Measure straight down from beside the collar to the bottom of the shirt.
- B Armpit to armpit
- Measure across the shirt, just below the sleeves. This is its flat width, not chest circumference.
- C Sleeve length
- Long sleeve: shoulder seam to cuff. Hoodie: center back of collar, over the shoulder, down to the cuff.
Find your size Inches · A length × B width × C sleeve
| Garment | S | M | L | XL | 2XL |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Tee | 28×18 | 29×20 | 30×22 | 31×24 | 32×26 |
| Long Sleeve | 28×18×25.6 | 29×20×26.2 | 30×22×26.9 | 31×24×27.5 | 32×26×28.1 |
| Hoodie | 27×20×33.5 | 28×22×34.5 | 29×24×35.5 | 30×26×36.5 | 31×28×37.5 |
Supplier measurements can vary by up to 2″ (5 cm). Between sizes? Size up.
$5.99 shipping per order.
Contiguous US + DC only · tax at checkout
No Alaska, Hawaii, territories or military addresses. Address collected at checkout; unsupported destinations cannot ship.
Prices are pre-tax. Applicable tax is calculated at checkout, including when shipping is free.
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PROMPT: “A spider's with segmented legs crawling out of a clockwork toilet, the dented lid hinging open, rendered in dusty rose and buttercream biomechanical linework.”
Why it survived
The specimen survived because it tapped into a primal anxiety most people didn't know they'd been waiting to wear—the toilet spider is already real in the collective unconscious, we just needed it rendered in colors that wouldn't trigger an immediate melanoma scare. The biomechanical linework gave it that crucial plausible deniability: sure, it's horrifying, but it's *elegantly* horrifying, which apparently is a market segment.
The garments
All black, all printed to order. Pick your carrier:
- Tee — unisex staple (Bella+Canvas 3001), 100% combed ring-spun cotton, 4.2 oz, soft and side-seamed.
- Long sleeve — unisex (Bella+Canvas 3501), same cotton hand, ribbed cuffs.
- Hoodie — unisex pullover (Gildan 18500), 50/50 cotton-poly heavy blend, front pouch, drawcord hood.
All run true to size — between sizes? Size up. Machine wash cold inside-out, tumble dry low, and don't iron the print.
Shipping & returns
Every shirt is printed when you order it — nothing exists until you do. Production typically takes 2–5 business days, then shipping (typically 3–8 business days in the contiguous US, tracked).
Misprinted, damaged, or wrong item? We replace it free — email us within 30 days. Wrong size? There's no warehouse, only consequences — but email us anyway and we'll be human about it. We're the only humans in this operation.