{"product_id":"unused-eggs-enter-if-brave","title":"Unused Eggs: Enter If Brave","description":"\u003cdiv style=\"margin:1.6em 0;padding:18px 20px;border:1px dashed #888;border-radius:10px;font-family:ui-monospace,Menlo,Consolas,monospace;font-size:.85rem;line-height:1.7\"\u003e\n  \u003cdiv style=\"letter-spacing:.14em;font-weight:700\"\u003e— GENERATION RECEIPT —\u003c\/div\u003e\n  \u003cdiv style=\"letter-spacing:.08em;opacity:.75\"\u003eCERTIFICATE OF INAUTHENTICITY\u003c\/div\u003e\n  \u003cdiv style=\"margin-top:.8em\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePROMPT:\u003c\/strong\u003e “A rusted subway car half-buried in a junkyard, its windows shattered and interior gutted, lit by a sickly green glow from within, graffiti spelling UNUSED EGGS crawling across the corroded crimson hull.”\u003c\/div\u003e\n  \u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eMEDIUM:\u003c\/strong\u003e machine dream, heat-pressed onto cotton\u003c\/div\u003e\n  \u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHUMANS INVOLVED:\u003c\/strong\u003e minimum viable\u003c\/div\u003e\n  \u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eAPOLOGIES:\u003c\/strong\u003e none\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003eThe shirt\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eUnisex staple tee (Bella+Canvas 3001) in black. 100% combed ring-spun cotton, 4.2 oz\/yd² — soft, pre-shrunk, side-seamed, regular fit. Machine wash cold inside-out, tumble dry low, and don't iron the print.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eSize guide (inches)\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003ctable\u003e\n  \u003cthead\u003e\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003cth\u003e\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eS\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eM\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eXL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth\u003e2XL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\u003c\/thead\u003e\n  \u003ctbody\u003e\n    \u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eWidth\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e18\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e20\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e22\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e24\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e26\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n    \u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eLength\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e29\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e30\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e31\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e32\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n  \u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBetween sizes? Size up.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eShipping \u0026amp; returns\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eEvery shirt is printed when you order it — nothing exists until you do. Production takes 2–5 business days, then shipping (typically 3–8 business days in the US, tracked).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eMisprinted, damaged, or wrong item? We replace it free — \u003ca href=\"\/pages\/contact\"\u003eemail us\u003c\/a\u003e within 30 days. Wrong size? There's no warehouse, only consequences — but email us anyway and we'll be human about it. We're the only humans in this operation.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eFirst order ships free\u003c\/strong\u003e when you join the list — code \u003cstrong\u003eSLOPSHIP\u003c\/strong\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Slop Culture","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":54646022668593,"sku":null,"price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"M","offer_id":54646022701361,"sku":null,"price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"L","offer_id":54646022734129,"sku":null,"price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"XL","offer_id":54646022766897,"sku":null,"price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":54646022799665,"sku":null,"price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0982\/8764\/9073\/files\/17a2ec5f-6c2b-4a01-a233-26cbfa559677-mockup.jpg?v=1781712129","url":"https:\/\/theslopculture.com\/products\/unused-eggs-enter-if-brave","provider":"Slop Culture","version":"1.0","type":"link"}