{"product_id":"hells-carousel","title":"Hell's Carousel","description":"\u003cdiv style=\"margin:1.6em 0;padding:18px 20px;border:1px dashed #888;border-radius:10px;font-family:ui-monospace,Menlo,Consolas,monospace;font-size:.85rem;line-height:1.7\"\u003e\n  \u003cdiv style=\"letter-spacing:.14em;font-weight:700\"\u003e— GENERATION RECEIPT —\u003c\/div\u003e\n  \u003cdiv style=\"letter-spacing:.08em;opacity:.75\"\u003eCERTIFICATE OF INAUTHENTICITY\u003c\/div\u003e\n  \u003cdiv style=\"margin-top:.8em\"\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePROMPT:\u003c\/strong\u003e “A vintage carousel frozen mid-spin, tight zoom. The horses are black and brown and red, with angry faces and fire, demon horses. The horses are facing from the left of the image to the right of the image, the horses are facing the same direction, in the proper circular direction of the carousel. The carousel is metallic chrome.”\u003c\/div\u003e\n  \u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eMEDIUM:\u003c\/strong\u003e machine dream, heat-pressed onto cotton\u003c\/div\u003e\n  \u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eHUMANS INVOLVED:\u003c\/strong\u003e minimum viable\u003c\/div\u003e\n  \u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eAPOLOGIES:\u003c\/strong\u003e none\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\n\u003ch3\u003eThe shirt\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eUnisex staple tee (Bella+Canvas 3001) in black. 100% combed ring-spun cotton, 4.2 oz\/yd² — soft, pre-shrunk, side-seamed, regular fit. Machine wash cold inside-out, tumble dry low, and don't iron the print.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eSize guide (inches)\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003ctable\u003e\n  \u003cthead\u003e\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003cth\u003e\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eS\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eM\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eXL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth\u003e2XL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\u003c\/thead\u003e\n  \u003ctbody\u003e\n    \u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eWidth\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e18\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e20\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e22\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e24\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e26\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n    \u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eLength\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e29\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e30\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e31\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e32\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n  \u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBetween sizes? Size up.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eShipping \u0026amp; returns\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eEvery shirt is printed when you order it — nothing exists until you do. Production takes 2–5 business days, then shipping (typically 3–8 business days in the US, tracked).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eMisprinted, damaged, or wrong item? We replace it free — \u003ca href=\"\/pages\/contact\"\u003eemail us\u003c\/a\u003e within 30 days. Wrong size? There's no warehouse, only consequences — but email us anyway and we'll be human about it. We're the only humans in this operation.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eFirst order ships free\u003c\/strong\u003e when you join the list — code \u003cstrong\u003eSLOPSHIP\u003c\/strong\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n","brand":"Slop Culture","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":55000769823025,"sku":null,"price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":55000769855793,"sku":null,"price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":55000769888561,"sku":null,"price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":55000769921329,"sku":null,"price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":55000769954097,"sku":null,"price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0982\/8764\/9073\/files\/32628d24-14e0-46f0-963c-7d9adfba4e8c-mockup.jpg?v=1782835406","url":"https:\/\/theslopculture.com\/products\/hells-carousel","provider":"Slop Culture","version":"1.0","type":"link"}